photo via a violent yet flammable world
Being in a relationship is one of the joys of life. It's wonderful to have someone to count on, and love on, and do fun things with. It can be hard though with friends, family, the internet, and the media telling you what relationships are supposed to be like and how you and your partner are supposed to act. How do you know who to listen to? My advice? Listen, but just do what works for you! Here are some "relationship rules" I've been told that (in my opinion) are NOT to be listened to:
Rule: Relationships are hard work.
Really: The problem with this rule is not so much the rule itself, but the interpretation. Sure, relationships take work. Both people need to be engaged and active in relationship. There needs to be compromise. Both people need to work to grow together and keep the relationship alive. This is all work. But where some people go wrong is they use this rule as an excuse when the relationship really shouldn't keep going. Lack of communication, lives going in different directions, excessive arguing, and even worse, emotional or physical violence are all signs that really, something isn't working; not that you're not working hard enough. Try and look at your relationship honestly. If it feels like pulling teeth to just talk with your significant other, or if everything turns into an argument, the relationship is probably not a healthy one for you. And when you find one that is, you'll see that while it will take some work, it won't feel like it because you'll be doing it together.
Better Rule: Be active in your relationship.
Rule: Arguing is good for a relationship.
Really: Discussing is good. Fighting all the time is not good. Not to say an argument now and again isn't normal, because it is, but that's not what I'm referring to. Again, I see this rule used as an excuse. I've heard many a lady say, "We fight a lot, but arguing is good for a relationship." Um, not everyday, or anytime you don't share the same opinion. That's a bigger problem. Communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. Learn how to communicate with your partner so a simple difference in opinion doesn't turn into a fight. And bonus! With good communication, you can actually work problems out, instead of creating more.
Better Rule: Communicate effectively in your relationship.
Rule: Never go to bed angry.
Really: Okay, nobody likes to go to bed angry but come on. Dragging an argument out until all hours of the night just to follow this rule will only make things worse. I promise. If you have a big argument and it's nearly time for bed, call a truce for the night and continue the discussion the next day. Not only will this give both of you time to calm down, but sleep can clear your head and help you think about the problem in a better way.
Better Rule: Try not to go to bed angry, but if it's bedtime, call a truce and finish the discussion the next day.
****What relationship rules do you not buy into?
P.S. To the boyfriend-You're the reason I understand why these rules aren't good ones to follow. Thank you. XO